bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
