too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
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