can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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