The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
