Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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