OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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