Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
