Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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