he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
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We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
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