if i can run in heels then i can drive
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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