Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Boobs speak an international language.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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