No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
