i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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