I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
