I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
