I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
