I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
