adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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