my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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