...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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