Where are you?
In a non slutty way
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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