i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
50% drunk capacity currently
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
