Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
