I must be too annoying 4 u.
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Randomize
