That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
