i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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