I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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