whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
