this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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