HIV tests are more positive than that guy
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
