I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
