I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
