Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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