i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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