Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
My dick has a subreddit
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
