My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
