I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
