She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
