I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
