the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I'm just crazy horny about you
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
