FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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