In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
