what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I just googled if crying burns calories
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
