brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
