We won't sleep together?
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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