OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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