So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
jump out the window naked night went bad
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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