Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
