I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
birth control should be required to get into college
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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