it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
