but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
