Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
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Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
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My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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