No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
