If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
