Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
