we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
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