i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
