you traded sex for a burrito?
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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