she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
