Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
