So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
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If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
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I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
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