I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
