why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
