You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
