Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
i think i have two assholes
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
