I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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