Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
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