Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
