I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
soo... how was my night?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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