biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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