We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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