I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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