remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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