I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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