we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
