I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
