just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
