I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Naked. naked and bneed help.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
