last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
