She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
