I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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