At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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