as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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